The Great Kouhai Exchange
by Judge Claude Frollo
Summary: In which there is a clever 'kouhai trade-off' and now everyone is going mad. Of course, there will always be tennis and friendship. COMPLETE!
1. Hiyoshi's First Name Is Madison!

**The Great Kouhai Exchange**

"I just wish Akaya would stop being so immature," Yukimura said, "I think we're babying him too much. If only he could grow up,"

"You're lucky! That's better than having a kouhai who's too serious! '_Gekokujyou_,' my ass," Mukahi realized that what he said sounded a little... weird, so he added, "Whatever you're thinking, that's not what I meant!"

There was an awkward silence until Fuji spoke up, "Echizen needs to lighten up. He's always so down, and it gets us worrying. He could at least pretend to be happy whenever we're planning a surprise for him. He only says that it always leads to trouble, so we shouldn't bother."

"Well, Shinji can't shut up." Tachibana said bluntly.

"I have an idea!" Mukahi declared, and the three gave him wary looks. Why should they trust Mukahi, of all people? He did a lot of stupid things, enough said. "Let's have a kouhai exchange for three days! Didn't you say you need someone who's mature, 'Mura? Maybe we can trade! It's perfect! Nothing could possibly go wrong!"

Hey, that didn't seem to be that bad of an idea.

They didn't give much thought about the whole thing, and just agreed. It was a great way to get rid of their kouhais, anyway.

"Wait, who'd get who?" Tachibana asked. Wasn't that important? After all, how would this plan work if no one knew which kouhai to 'adopt?' Wouldn't that be epic fail?

"Well, I'm getting Kirihara." Mukahi said before anyone could say anything, thinking people wanted Kirihara a lot because he was fun and he beat Hiyoshi.

"That's fine by me," Fuji said.

"Even more fine for me," Tachibana said.

Mukahi realized that Tachibana hated Kirihara for beating him and for giving him injuries that were too embarrassing to be mentioned and that Fuji hated Kirihara because Tachibana hated Kirihara and because Kirihara tried to injure him, too. He snorted. At least Kirihara had some personality, unlike Hiyoshi. "Well, whatever. Who's getting Hiyoshi?"

Fuji, Yukimura and Tachibana raised their hands.

What.

The.

Eff.

(And why in the world did Fuji want Hiyoshi? He was even more annoying than the kid he was trading off!)

"Um, how do we settle this?" Mukahi asked uncertainly. "Oh, I know, I know! Whoever knows Hiyoshi's first name will get him!" How were they supposed to know what Hiyoshi's first name was? Heck, _he _didn't even know what Hiyoshi's first name was!

"Madison," Yukimura said, "Hiyoshi's first name is Madison."

And because no one really knew the name of Hiyoshi, Yukimura got it right, simply because he was the first one to make a wild guess (and because there was absolutely no way Mukahi would ever admit he didn't know what Hiyoshi's first name was).

"So all that's left is that Tachibana-san and Fuji-san switch." Mukahi said.

Of course, they agreed. But on one condition, "Wait, if the team has, like, a match, you can 'borrow' your kouhai to play and then give him back, okay?" Mukahi said.

"Oh, yeah," they all said.

X

"Hey, Hiyoshi, do you remember the time you wished that you just studied at RikkaiDai because Atobe wore a frilly shirt to a match with another team and made us all wear matching shirts and you were forced to wear a pink tutu?" Mukahi said.

"Yes," Hiyoshi said warily.

"Well, for three days, you're going to study at RikkaiDai!" Mukahi said, trying to make it sound like Hiyoshi won in the lottery.

Hiyoshi was silent.

And then- "..._WHAT_?!" Hiyoshi shrieked. Maybe Hiyoshi was getting a personality.

"You did say you wanted to," Mukahi said, and Hiyoshi was just silent. "What's your first name again?"

"My first name's Wakashi," Hiyoshi said through gritted teeth.

_'I knew it. Madison's a pet's name. Damn Yukimura,'_

X

"Fuji, you did what?" Oishi said. "But... why?"

"Relax, Oishi," Fuji said, "it's only for three days, and besides, you also get a substitute!"

Oishi had to wonder why Fuji was oddly cheerful and why pretty much everyone was absolutely all right with the whole thing. "Echizen's not a thing, and... what if he gets injured? Who'll pay for the hospital bill? And, uh... what if he can't reach something on a tall shelf, who'll get it for him?" (Ryoma scowled at this.)

"Tachibana," everyone said.

"I'm confident that little Ryo-chan can take care of himself." said Fuji.

Ryoma took a sip of his Ponta. He was never going to let anyone know how hurt he was that they wanted to choose that rambling dude (who he so crushed) over him. They really didn't know what they were thinking... It was like trading tighty whities for boxers! It was plain wrong!

"You're okay with this, right, Echizen-kun?" Kawamura said.

Ryoma just took another sip of his Ponta. "Whatever,"

He hoped that by swallowing Ponta, he could swallow his sadness too and get over it.

X

"Akaya, you always said you hated classes, right?" Yukimura said. "Well, guess what? We found a way for you not to have classes here in RikkaiDai!"

Akaya looked at them happily. "Really?"

Yukimura nodded. "Yes. Right, everyone?" He said cheerfully.

They all nodded quickly.

"You're going to a tennis seminar for talented tennis players! You know the way to Hyotei, right? Just go there for three days instead of RikkaiDai. Be sure to see Mukahi-kun," said Yukimura.

Akaya pouted, "Huh? You guys aren't going?" He said. "I don't want to go without you guys! It would be no fun at all! And you guys are really talented, and you all deserve to go to the seminar too! I can't possibly go..."

For a moment pretty much everyone felt touched, but then decided to go along with the plan.

"You're young and you have seen your limits Akaya," Sanada said, "so we're sending you to the tennis seminar to overcome them and be a better player because you're RikkaiDai's future captain."

Akaya seemed hopeful. "Really?"

"...Yeah,"

"Yay! I won't let you guys down, I promise!"

X

"And I don't get why you don't want me around. Okay, maybe I do. It's my skin, isn't it? It's always my skin. Or is it my hair? I'll get a haircut soon, but I'll have to convince my mother to let me go to a real barbershop. You shouldn't really judge me with how I look, because I'm not a book. I'm just me-" Shinji trailed off.

"Shinji!" Tachibana hissed, before he could feel any guiltier.

"How about we go get ice cream and go to an amusement park, guys?" Kamio suggested, although he did want to see Shinji and Tachibana get into a fist fight.

"Well, why not? I suppose it would be lovely. Ice cream is always so lovely and I-"

"What the hell, lovely?" Kamio said, and wondered how this guy could even be his 'best friend.'

Shinji just snorted. "What's wrong with saying 'lovely'? It's perfectly all right and you-"

"Let's just go," Tachibana said.

**TO BE CONTINUED**

Expect an update soon... meaning someday. But seriously, I'm working on it.

This is a challenge by amaya no shiori.


	2. That's Gross!

If there are people who watch Prince of Tennis for the tennis scenes (without imagining the boys half-naked) and crack (and not the boys on crack, with their chests all exposed), you'll be pleased to know that about 5% of this chapter has tennis in it.

**The Great Kouhai Exchange**

_Day 1: Akaya and Hiyoshi and Shishido's Unmanly Part_

"What the hell, Gakuto?" Shishido shrieked, "What are you thinking, getting a random guy from RikkaiDai to replace Hiyoshi?"

"Chillax," said Gakuto, "it's only for three days. You should be glad we didn't choose Ootori to be replaced. (Ootori's face was a mix of confusion and hurt so Shishido glared at Mukahi some more) Besides, you're only pissed because you can't accept he's better than you."

"Am I?" asked Akaya hopefully.

"No!" Shishido yelled, "Oh, hell no! You're not! And you," he turned at glared at Mukahi again, "you didn't tell us about this! You just went around and made your own decision! Wait until Atobe hears about this!"

At this, Ootori said, "But Shishido-san, Mukahi-senpai told everyone about the 'trade-off,' and Atobe-buchou didn't seem to mind. You were listening to your iPod at that time and saying Mukahi-senpai was brewing up bu-"

"Okay," Shishido said quickly. He did not want his kouhai swearing, even if he himself did.

Feeling ignored, Mukahi decided to annoy Shishido, "You're an Ootori!fucker!"

But Shishido was already outside, challenging Akaya to a match to see who was better, so that was completely worthless. He decided to watch the match because Oshitari was watching the match too, and he really wanted to be with Oshitari.

Shishido yelled dramatically as he dashed to the other side of the court to return Akaya's shot. "Hell, yeah! I returned that! See?" He turned to his partner, "See, Choutarou?"

He didn't notice the ball went past him or Akaya's annoyed grumble of 'idiot.'

"Shishido-san!" Ootori cried, and everyone wanted to laugh at the Hyotei's Doubles 1's gay moment, but they knew Shishido could kill. "Get your head in the game!" And of course, Shishido did just that.

Akaya started laughing evilly. "You can never beat me! I beat Tachibana (Shishido scowled at the name) and he's the reason why you were kicked off the regulars!" He served once more - the Knuckle Serve, this time.

Shishido conveniently decided to stare at his doubles partner. In fact, he decided that to see Ootori better, he had to be closer. So he moved to the side. And so he wasn't hit by the serve.

Shishido suddenly decided he was going to give his all in this match. Because speed wasn't going to cut it either, he was going to be... uh, super speedy. Right. And he was going to use the Rising Counter, too. But Shishido realized Akaya's eyes were bloodshot and that he was getting quicker and more powerful.

Then when Akaya returned his shot with a cooler version of his, he was so shocked he forgot to move.

And so it hit his _un_manly part and the freshmen (who weren't used to seeing these kinds of stuff much) and Ootori gasped in horror. Everyone else just stared. It was then Shishido swore he was never going to do that ever again. He was carried away by Kabaji to the infirmary, but not before shrieking, "I'll get you for this!"

X

While showering, Akaya's phone rang. He ran out to get it... in nothing but a towel. The regulars just stared.

_"Akaya, it's me."_ said Renji.

"Yay! It's Renji-senpai!" Akaya yelled.

_"Yes. Now, Akaya, tell me, did anyone try to rape you?"_ Renji's voice seemed deadly and dangerous and so awesome. And it scared Akaya.

"Um, no. I don't think so... but I so kicked that Shishido guy's ass! He was so easy to beat!"

Shishido glared at Akaya, and tried to get his racket to smack the guy, but Ootori stopped him. Oh, man.

X

"You don't know what will happen to RikkaiDai without Akaya!" cried Renji, "You guys don't understand! Don't you see that the freshmen are happy with Hiyoshi? RikkaiDai is peaceful now! Niou even liked him enough not to pull a prank!"

That was a good thing, actually. But to Renji, it was the worst thing ever since Sanada's-nose-job-gone-wrong.

"Well, actually, I like the peace," said Yukimura. "We don't have to worry as much anymore."

"But-- we need Akaya!" Renji protested.

Marui and Niou looked skeptical, Sanada stared blankly at him, Yukimura was smiling and Yagyuu was in the bathroom.

He turned to Jackal. "Don't you miss Akaya?" he asked. Surely this guy was going to miss Akaya! Suddenly, he had a brilliant idea. He could go to Hyotei! What better way to watch over Akaya? "I'm going to Hyotei tomorrow!" He said, determined.

"Whatever,"

X

Outside, the freshmen were cheering Hiyoshi on and he was enjoying the attention. No one at Hyotei treated him like this.

"GO, PIYO! GO, GO, PIYO, PIYO!"

Of course, he did his best on the match. This was it - he did not know what it was yet, but damn it - this was it. This was what he had wanted all along, to be loved. If this was what Atobe felt, then he now had a good reason to be all bloody arrogant about it.

He didn't want this to end. Maybe Mukahi actually did something right for once.

He won the match and the hearts of the freshmen. Way to go, Hiyoshi! From zero to hero, just like that!

And then he farted.

"Ew, Piyo just farted!" a junior covered his nose. "That's gross!"

"But it's Hiyoshi-sama!" said another junior. "That means it's okay!" Everyone nodded in unison and soon, farts were heard and smelled everywhere. The female side of RikkaiDai fainted because ohgoditsmelledsogoddamnbadandew! (oh god it smelled so goddamn bad and ew!)

Hiyoshi never wanted to cover his nose so badly until now.

**TO BE CONTINUED**

Did I mention that the tennis scenes were completely pointless? Well, now I did.

Renji is so out of character it makes me want to cry. Sorry guys. D; I promise, I'll try not to screw up the next chapter. D;


	3. How Many Years Was That?

To those who watch Prince of Tennis because of Fuji's looks because you're a proud Fuji!fan girl, and not for his tensai tennis skills - you're reading the right chapter. Get a look at Fuji's love lives and see if you have a chance to get together with this hot, bishounen tennis player!

**The Great Kouhai Exchange**

_Day 1: Shinji and Ryoma and Fuji's Love Lives  
_

"Fuji," said Tezuka, "why did you trade Echizen for... _that_?"

What kind of idiot would trade Ryoma for another guy, anyway? Ryoma was the Prince of Tennis, and no idiot would trade the Prince of Tennis for some normal tennis player, right? Not any kind of idiot could do that. Only a special idiot could do that – a special idiot like Fuji. Why was he even called a genius, anyway?

"Oh, come on, Kunimitsu!" said Fuji, "it will only be for three days!"

"Don't call me that," said Tezuka.

"Why? But it sounds so cute... How about Kuni-chan, Mitsu-chan?" Fuji's smile became teasing, "You know," whispered Fuji, "you're really hot whenever you twitch, you beastly stud, you."

Where the hell did that come from? Fuji Syuusuke could have thought of a better, more embarrassing line! And stud – he sounded like he copied off Ryoma when he called Kaidoh a stud! He didn't want to think he was losing his touch, but... was he?

"20 laps," said Tezuka.

"But Kuni-chan, you wouldn't do that to your boyfriend, now, would you?" said Fuji.

Momoshiro's eyes bulged, "What, you guys are... gay?" He almost gasped. Was this what really happened when you were too close with another guy? Momoshiro decided he would never talk to another guy unless absolutely necessary. "I still accept you guys."

"Oh, yes, we are," said Fuji, "Aren't we, Kuni-chan?"

"It's okay to be gay," said Shinji, "Tachibana-san had a few flings before with Chitose-san, too. Except they didn't really feel that way towards each other... they were under the influence of drugs at that time. I admire you guys for being true to yourselves. Tachibana-san says that is the way. And if being yourself means that you're a loser, you can never be happy."

Now, as you all probably expected, yes, Tezuka was angry inside – and not showing it. "Fuji, Momoshiro, Ibu, forty laps," said Tezuka. And then, like the smart guys Momoshiro and Shinji were, they started running.

"Oh, come on!" said Fuji, "I wasn't even-"

"Fuji," Tezuka's voice was dangerously low, like Kaidoh, but everyone knew Kaidoh would never hurt anyone but Momoshiro. "fifty laps,"

"I hate you! Relationship over!" cried Fuji, and he went to run his laps.

_'I knew it. Trust Fuji to ruin things and put the Seigaku's Pillar of support to the test. I knew it. I knew it. I hate him. I hate them all.' _thought Tezuka as he watched the three run their laps.

"Fuji-senpai, are you really going out with Tezuka-buchou?" said Momoshiro. "It's okay, really. But are you guys... you know?"

Fuji sobbed even more. "We're over, too, Momo! You never satisfied my needs, anyway!"

Shinji rolled his eyes and wondered what Tachibana was thinking when he sent him with those mentally unstable lunatics. He never thought Tachibana was an idiot, but now he was realizing he never really knew Tachibana as much as he thought he did.

X

"But, Echizen-kun, it will be fun! Come on, let's go eat burgers!" said Tachibana to Ryoma, who was... well, sunbathing and drinking Ponta. For once, girls other than An were watching. But they were watching Ryoma. After all, It wasn't everyday a cute little boy went around shirtless...

"Mada mada dane," said Ryoma, taking another sip from his Ponta.

The girls who acted out as the background for this whole thing swooned. Oh, Ryoma was such a bishounen!

"Come on, Ryoma-kun!"

Ryoma twitched at what he was called and adjusted his hat. "Fine, fine," said Ryoma, "just don't call me that."

Tachibana and the regulars smiled. "We know the perfect place!"

"Hn," Ryoma raised his arms to scratch his head, only to reveal his (more than) hairy armpits.

Someone on the regulars gasped. It didn't really matter who, but someone just did because - was a twelve year old boy really, _really _supposed to have that much hair?

"How many years was that?" said Tachibana, almost scared.

"Two months,"

The fan girls fainted, revealing the sunny skies and the birds chirping happily and empty tennis courts which were just begging to be used.

X

Ryoma was shocked. These guys were... nice. They cared, and they admired him, and said Fuji was an idiot to trade him off, but they were really glad they got him. He decided this school was much better, even if he didn't know everyone's names except for Tachibana, and the vice-captain.

"Echizen-kun," said Ishida, and Ishida looked back at the regulars, who nodded, "we have a gift for you."

A gift, for him? What thoughtful guys! Was it grip tape? Or better, Ponta?

Ryoma raised an eyebrow and pretended to look nonchalant. The sparkle in his eyes gave him away, though.

"We give you..." said Kamio dramatically, "a friendship ring!"

That's it, a friendship ring? Ryoma was shocked. But gee, they got him a gift and that was nice of them. He said: "Thanks,"

Tachibana brought out a plastic ring that looked like it came free from a cereal box. It had 'FF-net!!!' written on it. Maybe they were crazy.

Ryoma raised an eyebrow again. "FF-net? What's that?"

The Fudomine regulars smiled and chanted, "Friends Forever - NET!!!" People looked at them weirdly and tried to ignore the lunatics. "We just added 'NET' for fun."

Ryoma nodded, bored. He was having second thoughts about these guys. They were getting annoying. And they were lunatics. And they were like a poorer and tackier version of his home team. Way to go, Fuji-senpai.

"So, you should put it on," Ishida said, putting the ring on Ryoma's ring finger. It won't fit, so he jabbed it some more. And some more. And - oh god, that hurt! Ryoma winced and pulled his hand away. He glared at Ishida.

Tachibana looked apologetic and Kamio mumbled something about Ryoma needing to lose weight and being fat.

"Here," said Tachibana, taking the ring from Ishida, "I'll put it on for you."

And so he placed the ring on Ryoma's pinky finger. It fit.

"THERE, BEST FRIENDS FOREVER!"

Tachibana was an insane, mentally unstable lunatic.

Maybe he could bear this. It will only be for three days, right? He was the Prince of Tennis and he could do it! He wasn't going to back down from a little - or a lot of - pain!

**TO BE CONTINUED**

Oh, man! I can't believe I called Ryoma 'cute!' That's so wrong on so many levels! D; Argh, and I even called him a bishounen. I'm messed up. D;

And, hey, look, there's my failed attempt at Perfect Pair. (Hate the pairing, but I have a soft spot for requests. This will be the last time this will happen, seriously.)


	4. Get A Grip, Man!

If you watch Prince of Tennis because of the cute girls (I doubt it - I only know people who watch it for the hot boys), you'll be pleased to know there is a cute girl in this chapter who plays tennis!

**The Great Kouhai Exchange**

_Day 2: Hot Girl Playing Tennis_

"Class, we have a new student, so I expect you to be on your best behavior!" the teacher said, opening the door.

A tall, shy-looking brunette with short, cropped hair smiled cheerfully, revealing her beautiful brown eyes. "Hi, everyone, it is nice to be here! I'm Yanago Rika! I play tennis and I'm a prodigy!" (Akaya snickered at this. Girls, prodigies - how messed up was this world?) "I'm from the tropical island of Suzukihondacivicninjasushitenipurisashimirikkaidai!"

"Very well, then," said the teacher, rubbing her temples. So she was one of those tennis-playing-transfer-students, huh? God, just how many were they? "You can sit next to Akaya-kun. He plays tennis too."

Akaya twitched. "Sensei, are you implying that I am to play a match with this unfit being?" He said, trying to sound mature.

The teacher put a finger on her chin, as if in thought. "I don't see what's wrong about it."

"But she's a girl! That just doesn't happen!"

"Boys are no better than girls," said the teacher. "Right, Yanago-san?"

Yanago smiled. "Actually, males are stronger and bigger than females. They win."

The teacher's eyes bulged. "How could you turn away from your own gender? You traitor! People like you should go to hell! You're a hypocrite!"

"Sensei, I do believe we should be getting back to the lesson now," said the girl.

"Oh yeah," and the teacher did just that.

Now, this girl - she knew everything the teacher taught ever since she was in third grade, but pretended to listen intently to not annoy the teacher. She felt something hit her head. It was a ball... and then it transformed into a sheet of paper. Hooray for magic and metamorphosis!

_'So U play tennis, huh? :) Every1 knows I'm the best! :P Letz play a match... :O UR a fat chik!!! 8D LOLZ. XDDDD'_

And then Akaya was smirking at her.

She mouthed 'yes.'

X

Akaya was never a fan of women's tennis... but that was before he saw the skirts flapping up, revealing the girls' thighs. Of course, he knew he was sexier than any girl.

But, damn, this girl was hot.

And he didn't notice her serve go past him. The students frowned at him, especially Shishido - "Don't let a girl beat you, you bastard! Get a grip, man!"

"You, Shishido-sama, are a meanie!" yelled Akaya back at Shishido.

"0-15 Yanago!"

Akaya was flabbergasted, "What, she already served?" He cried angrily. "She already served? She already served? She al-"

"Shut up!" yelled a random freshman. "You said it once, don't you think we can hear you? God,"

"Look, are you ready?" said the girl. "I'm going to serve now,"

Akaya snorted.

X

"How the hell could you beat me?" said Akaya, "You're a girl!"

The girl looked at him, "I'm your senpai, Akaya," said the girl. "Together, we can face Hyotei! We can do it! I shall protect you from the-"

"Are you Yanagi-senpai?"

"...Isn't it already obvious?"

"Nah, not really."

"You're an idiot."

"Sometimes,"

"But you're good at tennis,"

"So that makes me cool,"

A minute later - _"What, so you're not a girl?! I'm gay!"_

Akaya's loud shriek could be heard in RikkaiDai, Yukimura reflected.

**TO BE CONTINUED**

Guys, I'm really sorry this is shorter than usual! D; I'll try to make the other chapter longer.

(Ugh, this depresses me. Guys, this is one of those times a review would make me feel better... I trust you know what to do. -shot- But seriously, this depressed me.)


	5. Do You Even Care?

If you watch Prince of Tennis for Hiyoshi... well, he's here, all right. But if you want to watch this because Niou is the love of your life, well, there's a really short paragraph about him here!

**The Great Kouhai Exchange**

_Day 2: Dream Men, Contributions, and a Funeral__  
_

"Where's Yanagi?" said Marui, before blowing another bubble and popping it noisily.

Niou smirked, letting them think he was somewhat part of this, when he really wasn't. He just wanted it to seem like he pulled another prank well done. Didn't you wish all guys were this cool? Okay, maybe Niou was the only one who could pull that off (and maybe Yagyuu) - so didn't you wish all guys were like Niou (or Yagyuu)?

After a minute of silence, Marui said: "Do you even care?"

"Well, no."

At this, Marui shrugged and ate his cake. "I don't care either,"

X

"We're going to the beach," said Yukimura.

And then there was silence. Why were they going to do in a beach? It wasn't even their vacation yet, unless...

Yukimura felt like it.

Of course.

Unfortunately, there was one really, really eager player who wanted to improve on his tennis skillz and didn't know that no one should question Yukimura. And that eager player who was sealing his death to the devil was Hiyoshi Wakashi, the idiot.

"Don't we have practice?" said Hiyoshi.

Again, there was silence.

And then Yukimura smiled his 'shut-up-or-die-you-slutty-whore' smile, which he gave to everyone, actually. He said: "Only if you want to,"

"I want to practice," said Hiyoshi. He came to RikkaiDai for the tennis... obviously.

Yukimura just smiled genuinely, and Hiyoshi knew he can't have his way, with Yukimura around. "We're still going, anyway. Because I want to, and it will help you. We're young, and we have a life ahead of us!"

X

"Do you really know how to drive?" said Hiyoshi.

Sanada was silent, and he continued driving.

"Oh, Wakashi!" said Yukimura (and Hiyoshi scowled), "Genichirou knows what he's doing. Don't you, Genichirou?"

Sanada mumbled he didn't, and decided to merge without looking because the movie he was watching (while driving, because awesome people did that) was so funny, killing a little boy name Horio, who had a unibrow, and bad fashion sense.

"Sanada-san!" cried Hiyoshi.

"You care too much, seriously," said Niou.

"We'll die! I'll die! I'm too young! I still have a future!" Hiyoshi sobbed. Or twisted his face into an expession that looked just as nasty.

They noticed there was a police car behind them, and oh my god, Sanada was speeding.

"Pull over!" said a cop, taking out his gun. "Pull the fuck over!" And he shot a chicken that was crossing the road. Poor chicken. Now he could never get to the other side and have his dreams come true.

"Faster, faster, Genichirou!" said Yukimura.

"No, pull over!" said Hiyoshi.

But the cops caught up with them and told Sanada to get out. Sanada did, and so did Yukimura.

The cops looked hardly at Sanada. "Did you know how fucking fast you were going?"

"Yes," said Sanda.

"Give me your license."

"But, sir, Onii-chan didn't do anything wrong! He was just driving me to my grandmother's funeral!" cried Yukimura.

The moment the cops looked at Yukimura, there were Sakura petals falling and all they could see was Yukimura. So this was love at first sight. [Cue: Pretty Woman]

"We're... so sorry to hear that, miss..." said the cops.

"So will you just let us go?" said Yukimura.

"Of course,"

"Let's go, then, Onii-chan!" Yukimura said to Sanada, who was standing there, shocked. "We'll be late for the funeral!"

X

"Yagyuu, let's make out. It will be hot."

"Niou-kun, there are children here,"

"Come on!"

"No."

-

"Jackal, let's play!"

"I'm trying to get a tan."

"You're dark enough!"

"Whatever,"

"You don't want a fat partner, do you?"

"You should have thought of that before you ate my food, then."

"I hate you, you anorexic wannabe, you!"

X

"Guys, do you notice something different about Hiyoshi?" said Jackal.

"Nah, he just likes swimming." said Marui.

"He's there for an awfully long time, though." said Yukimura.

"I think he's just enjoying." said Sanada.

Niou smirked, because he did not know what else to say or do. Was there any other way for him to contribute to this conversation? Probably not.

"OH MY GOD, GUYS, HIYOSHI'S DROWNING!" cried Yagyuu uncharacteristically. "HE'S GOING TO DIE, I SWEAR!"

But apparently his partner contributed the most.

X

Hiyoshi woke up to an image of beauty and sunshine and (you guessed it) Yukimura.

"My savior..." said Hiyoshi, before passing out again.

X

When the regulars got back to RikkaiDai, Yukimura was not even shocked to hear that a tennis player named Hiyoshi Wakashi joined his fanclub.

**TO BE CONTINUED**

I seriously don't know what was going on in my mind when I was writing this. Whatever.


	6. Butts Are For Kicking!

So if you watch Prince of Tennis for cute little Karupin... she isn't here, sadly. But her relatives, the lions, shall be part of this chapter! Yay! There's friendship, too, I guess, if that counts for something... I bet not.

**The Great Kouhai Exchange**

_Day 2: The Backyardigans and Kryptonite  
_

Ryoma stared skeptically at the strawberry cake Tachibana gave him (it had 'Happy Birthday, Sanada-kun!' on it in pink lettering). What if they placed poison in it, or bird turd? He had every right to be suspicious of them... Okay, not really, but he still suspected them anyway.

"Just eat the damn cake already!" said Kamio, "Don't you know how hard Tachibana worked on that?"

And everyone was glaring at him, expecting him to actually eat it.

Geez.

He slowly took a bite, and everyone was now looking hopefully at him, especially Tachibana. Come on, can't they get a life... or someone else to torture? Was he really their bitch for the next two days? Oh, hell.

"So, did you like it?"

And then Tachibana was looking at him with those big eyes that reminded him of Hyotei's Ootori, and he looked so hopeful...

Tachibana wasn't bad at cooking, either. It was a long time since Kabaji's birthday, and he obviously took lessons from An. He was getting better... maybe.

X

The next thing Ryoma knew, he found himself at the zoo! How exciting! Let's go and see what's in Ryoma's mind right now, shall we?

_What is this? It's like an infinite source of light!_ [Ryoma was staring at a flashlight, and God knows why it's even there. He then turned his head and saw and heard lions roaring at him.]_ What did I ever do to them? I'm the Prince of Tennis and everybody loves me!_ [His eyes darted to the sky, and he also saw some more animals.] _Where am I? Is this hell? It isn't too bad..._

And then he saw Atobe.

"Uh, who let the monkey out of its cage?" said Ryoma.

Sadly, Atobe didn't hear him, but Tachibana saw the Hyotei regulars and waved at them. The regulars came over, with big, bright, cheerful smiles on their faces, except Shishido, of course. Because he was bad ass, and he was cool, and it wouldn't do for anyone to see him smiling.

"Hi, guys!" said Tachibana, and for some reason, Ryoma pictured Tachibana with a frilly, pink apron with hearts and he was reminded of home. (Home being Seigaku, where his happy, happy senpais lived... those traitors.)

"Hello!" Ootori smiled at them, and Shishido elbowed the poor kid's ribs and whispered something that sounded like "they're the enemies, Choutarou! Don't let your guard down!"

Oh, lame.

And then Atobe was looking at him - "I don't expect seeing you in a place like this, Echizen."

_Why is the monkey talking to me? Oh my God, it's talking! I can go gloat about this! Hey, it even knows my name! I can name it Atobe!_

"Mada mada dane," said Ryoma.

"How dare you treat me like that! You will treat me with respect!"

"You're a monkey."

"You're a hobbit!"

"I'm the Prince of Tennis."

"Ne, Onii-chan, they really love each other, don't they?" said An.

Tachibana couldn't understand how the female mind worked. How could she possibly think they loved each other when all they did was bicker? Sadly, females did not want to hear what you really think. They wanted to hear what _they _thought it _your _voice. "Oh, yeah,"

"We shall settle this," said Mukahi, "with a dodgeball match!"

"What?" said pretty much everyone. "Why not tennis?"

"And loser has to eat this!" Atobe brought out a bomb from his pocket.

"You're on!"

And this was the beginning of the formation of the best dodgeball team ever. They decided that the match was to be held in the lion's cage because it was big enough. (They let the lions out, of course.)

X

"Okay, guys, the most important thing is choosing the best team name! If we have the best team name, we win!" said Tachibana.

"BFFs?" said An.

"Heartthrobs?" said Kamio.

"No! We need something better... something about balls!" said Tachibana.

"Big Balls?" said Ishida.

"Let's just settle for Kryptonite already!" said Ryoma.

"That has nothing to do with balls!" said Tachibana.

"Mada mada dane," said Ryoma.

-

"Our team name will be Atobe." said Atobe.

"I really think our team name should be Shishido-san..." said Ootori, to which Shishido smirked proudly.

"Nah, it should be Yuushi!" said Mukahi.

"I believe the team's name should be Aphrodite." said Oshitari.

"Why can't our name just be Marui-kun?" said Jiroh.

"So what's our team name again?" said Shishido.

"The Backyardigans!" they all said at the same time.

"That works."

"Yeah."

"Usu."

X

When Atobe threw the ball, it didn't hit anyone.

"You idiot! The ball is supposed to hit them!" said Shishido, "I'll go do it!"

He threw the ball, and it hit Sakurai, who we really don't know much about (but he still existed anyway). And thus, he was out.

So Shishido was the only one who actually knew dodgeball and everyone else was just good at dodging the balls.

And then- "Keigo!" a hot, blond woman yelled, "You have to ready yourself for meeting my friend's daughter! You'll get married! Come on now and say goodbye to your friends,"

Atobe twitched. "But we were playing!"

"Oh, but we simply can't let the princess of Sushihondacivicsuzukisashimi wait, now can we?"

"But-"

"No buts! Butts are for kicking, now in you go!"

Atobe walked in the car and vowed to challenge Ryoma again... soon.

And then - "Does this mean I win?" said Ryoma.

"Pretty much, yeah,"

Ryoma realized winning was no fun when the loser wasn't around to show off to.

**TO BE CONTINUED  
**

(I'm really sorry about this, if it depresses you.)


	7. I'll Never!

If you watch Prince of Tennis for cute Ryoma-chan, then you'll only be getting a pale imitation of him here, sadly. But if you watch it for Shinji, you'll still be seeing a pale imitation of Ryoma.

**The Great Kouhai Exchange**

_Day 2: Gossip Boy and Sadistic Mothers and Pale Imitations  
_

"You bastard, give me those scissors! I know how to cut hair better!" said Momoshiro, glaring at Kaidoh.

Kaidoh snorted. "You know how to cut hair? You're a... hooligan! You don't know the art of cutting hair!" said Kaidoh angrily.

"Yeah, right! You look at the mirror!"

"You're a wannabe! Let me do it!"

"I'll never!"

Tezuka and Shinji were twitching. Eiji was sparkling. Fuji was smiling. Inui was collecting data. Kawamura and Oishi were panicking... or not.

"Guys, we need to work together in order to make Ibu-kun look amazing!" said Oishi, rubbing his palms together. There was a [sinister] smile on his face. Who said mothers couldn't be sadists? I know my mother's one!

"Nya, Oishi, we can't have that!" said Eiji.

"Why not?" said Oishi, pouting.

"One percent chance you can give Ibu a proper haircut that looks like Echizen's, three percent chance that you will give Ibu a mohawk, and ninety-six percent chance that you will give Ibu the very same hairstyle you have now,"

Oishi gasped. He said: "Do you guys think I'm that mean? I will never do that!"

"That can happen, Oishi. Sorry." said Fuji.

"But-"

"We need to make Shin-chan look like a pale imitation of Ochibi at the best, nya!" said Eiji happily.

X

In a corner, Kawamura and Ibu were chatting like two sensible teenage boys.

"And so I heard Atobe say: 'I'm hot. I'm wanted, and everything you're not, Shishido-'"

"Can't we just talk about something else Kawamura-san? I mean, I've had enough of Atobe and his bogus. He always thinks of himself and nothing else. He'd get the satisfaction of hearing people talk behind his back because they think of him."

"Sorry." said Kawamura, looking ashamed.

Why did he gossip? Only girls gossiped! Could it be that he was slowly turning into a girl?

Nah.

He was just turning into a Gossip Boy.

Um, ew!

X

"Ah, I think Kunimitsu (Tezuka glared harder at Fuji) could give Ibu a good haircut, don't you think so?" said Fuji, "After all, their hair looks almost the same."

Everyone looked at Tezuka and nodded, amazed at Fuji's wisdom. Well, what could you expect? He was a genius.

"No." said Tezuka.

"But why not?" Eiji said, pouting.

"No."

X

In the end, Tezuka agreed.

"That's great, Kunimitsu!" Fuji said, smiling, and he handed Tezuka scissors.

Tezuka stared at the scissors, puzzled.

"Buchou can't use scissors!" ...was what Momoshiro wanted to say.

"Aw, that's all right, Kunimitsu," said Fuji, patting Tezuka's back, "You can use this,"

And then he handed Tezuka a sword.

The regulars and Shinji gasped.

X

Shinji didn't die, thankfully. He admired his reflection, and tried to ramble about it.

He could only find himself saying 'mada mada dane' and 'che'.

X

"We should get Ibu-kun a cool cap!" said Fuji.

"Oh yeah!" said Eiji.

"Let's get him a Fedora!" said Momoshiro.

"Do you even know what a Fedora is?" said Kaidoh, who didn't know what a Fedora was and hoped Momoshiro would explain it.

Sadly, Momoshiro just said: "Yes."

X

The regulars ended up in a mall, where they could have gotten a haircut from a professional. Shinji did look good, though. Bangs suited him well.

"Let's get Ibu a suit!"

"I have one already." said Shinji flatly, like Ryoma would. How a hairstyle could change a person, I would never know.

"It was a hand-me-down from your brother who was obese and worked in a circus." said Inui.

"...Che,"

X

Fuji held up a black suit, "See, Ibu? You can use this for prom!"

**TO BE CONTINUED**

Uh, Suite Life of Zack and Cody reference, anyone? (Shut up. I'm not too old for it, I swear.)


	8. What's Not To Like About Me?

If you RP in Lana's forum, Que Sera Sera, you've probably heard of Bob and that he committed suicide in Room 86. Well. Now he's back from the dead because I miss him. (And Vera is too sane for her own good, compared to Bob the Beautiful. I think I can put her into some good use someday. But she can't be as useful as Bob.)

**The Great Kouhai Exchange**

_Day 3: Bob the Beautiful~  
_

"Hey, guys, I just thought of a brilliant idea!" said Mukahi loudly, attracting the attention of the lovely-dovey couple sitting beside them, stressed workers who have had enough of crap from costumers and Eiji's family (but he didn't notice, of course). Everyone glared at him for ruining the atmosphere, but like he cared. Anyway, he had an idea!

Hiyoshi looked evilly at Mukahi. "Gekokujou."

But that couldn't happen, because Hiyoshi was in RikkaiDai right now, being tortured, maybe. Maybe he was cross-dressing with Yukimura, or bar-hopping with Niou, or maybe going on a slapping spree with Sanada. How would Mukahi know. Instead, in his place was Kirihara Akaya, a cute mischievous boy who was too crazy for his own good.

"Let's stalk Kikumaru Eiji from Seigaku! I'm much better than he is at everything! And then let's kill him!"

Eiji's family looked at Mukahi, horrified.

"Please shut up, Gakuto." said Oshitari.

"But Yuushi, I love you! How about we have hot, steamy, man on boy - I'm the man, of course - sex to the core! With all the whips and spikes and everything else you can ever dream of!" said Mukahi, sparkling.

Nope, he lied. He wasn't a man. Or a real man, at that... Because we all know real men didn't sparkle and glitter and dream of being whipped! Or I could be wrong. Do tell me.

"That's downright disturbing, Marui-senpai." said Akaya. Obviously, he missed RikkaiDai.

"I agree, Kirihara-kun." said Ootori solemly.

Shishido glared at Akaya. "Fucking stop hitting on Choutarou, you bastard! I hate you! And you," Shishido looked at Choutarou who was staring at him, afraid, "have got to stop hanging around with this perverted loser! You need someone better!"

Akaya rolled his eyes. "Ugh, the gay..." And then he remembered there was Rika (Renji). He wanted to die, really. This was the last day and no more, thank God.

"Unlike most of you who waste time, I'm actualy trying to eat and I'd appreciate it if you respected that. So if you please," said Atobe. "We all need to be treated well. Isn't that right, Kabaji?"

Kabaji, who hadn't even gotten a bite of his burger because he was so busy cutting Atobe's burger into star-shaped, bite-sized pieces to perfection only to get criticized by Atobe, remained silent. Sometimes, silence was the best response.

"Right, Kabaji?" said Atobe this time, louder.

Kabaji looked at Atobe and sighed. "Atobe-san, I respect you. Because of your amazing leadership, we have gotten so far." said Kabaji. "Sadly, being your slave doesn't interest me." He gave the plate to Atobe, refusing to cut any more. "I do favors now and then, and right now, I want to eat. I hope you understand."

There was silence. Did Kabaji really say all that?

Jiroh broke the awkward silence, "Oh my Marui, Kaba-chan spoke something other than a lame old 'usu'! That's so awesome! You go Kaba-chan!"

"Usu."

Ootori ate his burger.

At least things were back to normal... until a boy with short, brown hair came to the regulars, grinning madly. He was wearing a vest and hiking boots. He looked like a pedophile, but wasn't too old to be one, because he was a dancing king, young and sweet and only seventeen. And his name was Bob.

The regulars stared at him.

"What the hell are you doing here?" said Shishido, looking disgustedly at Bob's lame outfit people should be forbidden to wear. Jiroh actually thought Bob was so cool, with his boots and vest. Bob totally looked like he had a cool story to tell!

"Do you know him, Shishido-san?" said Choutarou curiously.

"No."

Mukahi stared at Bob. "What do you want, money? We're just kids! Have mercy!" said Mukahi, "Actually, I think Atobe has spare change and he gives bills away if they're crumpled. You should go bug him instead."

Bob was offended, although, yes, he did want some of Atobe's money. Still, he had more pride than that. So he said: "I have enough money, thank you very much. I just happen to notice that you guys have such talents that should be shown to the world."

Now that was a nice thought, said in a way that only Mizuki would have said it.

"Of course, we're talented." And then they all smirked, except for Ootori (who just smiled shyly at Bob) and Kabaji (who kept a perfectly straight face).

"Anyways, I'm Bob, but you can call me Madison. I enjoy watching films and taking long walks in the beach. I prefer sunrises over sunsets and I am generally a nice fellow. I'm also a talent scout."

"Keep talking..."

"With you guys, we can make a reality show, where boys get down and dirty - and not in the way you're thinking, perverts." said Bob, rolling his eyes, "We'll call it The Rich Hot Boyz. There will be drama and angst and everything a typical teenage girl loves. It's basically a feel-good show about life as hot rich boys."

They listened on, interested.

"You guys just do what you do everyday and we'll video your every move. We'll slap all the random bits together, edit and add some stuff, exaggerate a little, make the sound effects pwnsome until you guys look retarded enough."

The regulars nodded. "And then...?"

Bob sighed. "That's it, guys." said Bob sadly, sighing once more, "Oh, and I can make you guys rich and famous!"

Akaya looked at Bob, puzzled. "But we're already rich and famous. I have more fans than you can ever dream and despite my rough and violent exterior, I am sensitive and just really passionate about tennis, I still get girls to like me. But mostly it's just because of my looks."

Ootori nodded. "I think it's because of my innocent nature and talent. It also helps that I'm Shishido-san's double partner, and that I've never had a girlfriend in my entire life." He said straight faced. He smiled shyly as he noticed a group of cute girls staring at him from another table.

"For some reason, girls are attracted to my mysterious persona." said Oshitari, "Because Takumi Saitou played me in Tenimyu, I became even more famous than I already am."

And so Atobe decided to join in the conversation. "Although arrogant and flamboyant, I am-"

Shishido glared at Atobe. "No one cares about you, geez. Now girls dig me because I'm so badass and awesome. I have a flair for dramatics and I know how to have fun. Girls throw themselves at my feet everyday, and yet I can never feel the same way about them."

"I am creative and a free spirit." said Mukahi proudly.

Jiroh blinked innocently. "What's not to like about me?"

Kabaji sat with Atobe, comforting his dear friend by listening to Atobe ramble at how Shishido will never amount to anything in life and that people should respect him more. Bob sat along with the two, because apparently, everyone forgot about him.

X

(special interviews with the Hyotei regulars with Bob asking about their views on each other... privately, of course)

_"He's just so cruel. Why does he have to rub it in that he beat me? Can't he stop hitting on my partner? Choutarou deserves someone who's hotter. You know, I don't really want to hate Kirihara and want him to die, really. I just... don't... want him to... live any longer."_

- Shishido and why he is always so angry at Akaya

_"It's annoying how Shishido cuts off everything I say and tries to get Ootori's attention."_

- Atobe on Shishido's dramatics

_"Atobe should get laid soon so he can just stop being so bitter about how there are actually people in the world better than he is."_

_- _Mukahi hates it that Atobe is a virgin and not the sex god everyone deems him to be

_"I think Mukahi-senpai needs an attitude adjustment."_

- Ootori doesn't like it when Mukahi teases everyone (especially Shishido, because Shishido always comes ranting to him and his patience isn't infinite... and in five minutes, oh, he'll be late for violin practice!)

_"Usu."_

- Kabaji, apparently, agrees

_"Kabaji should stand up for himself more. What he did a while ago was really awesome of him! I want to see more of that, but I hope he doesn't go overboard!"_

- Jiroh thinks Kabaji's rebelious and badass personality is simply awesome

_"Jiroh is so happy... when he's awake. He should be awake some more."_

- Oshitari likes happiness

_"I think Oshitari-san is a really talented player and he has talent. I want to play him some time."_

- Kirihara really respects Oshitari

X

The show ended up watched by fanatics of Japanese boys all over the world. A short book called The Great Kouhai Exchange sold more than three million copies all over the world in more than eighty languages. Merchandise available in stores near you.

**TO BE CONTINUED  
**

Fuck you, Hiyo. For reading and not reviewing and cussing at me because you know I care about your future and for not giving me your legendary condoms. Also, you got me addicted to the songs you listen to by foreign bands. Thankfully, the songs are in English. AND THANK YOU FOR WRITING THE VIEWS ON EACH OTHER PART WITH ME HIYO. -tackles Hiyo to the ground to show I love you-

I'm so sorry that this is turning into a parody of sorts and that everyone is really out of character lately. Forgive me. (It just really amuses me. XD)


	9. Are We Playing Questions?

If you watch Prince of Tennis for the friendship, you will see teenage boys... doing stuff. Yeah. On to the chapter!

**The Great Kouhai Exchange**

_Day 3: Questions, Goodbyes, and Niou's Girlfriend and Girl... Erm, Friend  
_

Yukimura looked sadly at Hiyoshi. "I just thought that since you enjoyed our trip to the beach, maybe we can go on an outing again." said Yukimura, "But maybe not everyone wants to go to America. We can always stay here and play tennis, but I wonder what will we do with the tickets I got. They cost quite a lot, you know."

"Are you trying to make me guilty, Yukimura-san?" said Hiyoshi flatly.

"Whatever are you talking about, Wakashi?" said Yukimura, his tone light.

"Are we playing Questions?"

"What makes you think I'm playing a game?"

"Isn't this game for fools and imbeciles?"

"Isn't that why you're playing it?"

"Aren't you getting irritated?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

"Is it?"

"Do you think you'll win?"

"Do you think you're so invincible?"

"Am I not?"

"Don't you know what 'gekokujyou' means?"

"Are you admitting you are of a lower class than I am?"

"Are you admitting I can defeat you?"

"Can you really?"

"What if I can?"

"Don't you think a tennis match can settle this?"

"Yes- ah, shit." said Hiyoshi as he saw Yukimura smiling proudly. This totally wasn't gekokujyou or cool. Really, all Hiyoshi wanted was to play tennis, was that too much?

X

"So now everyone, please buckle your seatbelts and enjoy the ride! If ever you need anything, just press that red button! We hope you enjoy your flight!" said Natalia, a hot French-American girl in a skimpy skirt, beaming.

-

_"What did she say?" yelled Marui from the front seat. People looked at Marui, annoyed._

_Jackal said: "She said that you should buckle-"_

_"What, we have only five minutes to say our last goodbyes?" yelled Marui again, this time, even louder. "Guys, I know that I've been really mean and stuff, but I want you to know that I love you all! You guys are great players and I respect you guys!"_

_Everyone looked at Marui, horrified._

_"I have a confession to make!" said Niou, "I was the one who added pink ribbons to Sanada's hat!"_

_"I was also the one who gave Akaya the drugged frog that peed on his face and gave him allergies!"_

_"I use Yagyuu's toothbrush everyday!"_

_"I was the one burned Jackal's wig, not Yagyuu!"_

_"I placed the picture of Pamelo Andersan's boobs in Yanagi's book report!"_

_"I kissed buchou's younger sister!"_

_Yukimura's eyes widened and he looked at Niou. "You," said Yukimura in a dangerously low tone, "kissed my... sister?"_

_"Eh... things... happen..." said Niou nervously._

_Yukimura's gaze softened. "Good answer, but don't you ever," said Yukimura, "ever break up with Sasuke-chan. Do you understand?"_

_Niou nodded quickly. "Yes, buchou!"_

-

Hiyoshi blinked. Once, twice... Why was everyone else standing? He thought and thought and thought and then the idea came to him - they had to get off the plane! He looked at the window and saw Yukimura looking around. And then it also came to him that he had been sleeping the whole time.

Plus the idea of Yukimura having a younger sister and Niou and pedophilia wasn't that appealing.

He scrambled up and ran out, pushing Natalia out of the plane. She fell on the ground, dead.

X

Yukimura looked at Hiyoshi and smiled pleasantly. "Oh, there you are, Wakashi! We've been looking all over for you!"

Hiyoshi scowled. "This doesn't look like America."

"Well, I decided that we go to Amsterdam!" said Yukimura cheerfully, "So, anyway, I'm thinking that we'll go shopping. My mother wants me to get her pajamas."

Everyone looked away.

"The shopping mall, it is, then!"

-

"So let's split us up into groups. Masaharu, Bunta, you distract the security guards as Genichirou and I enter the mall. Wakashi, you act as the emo teenage boy who looks like he wants to kill everyone and bomb the world, and Kuwahara, you will be his mother. Hiroshi, you can go video this whole thing and post it up on Boobtube."

Everyone looked at Yukimura, amazed.

"For RikkaiDai!" said Marui.

"For RikkaiDai!" said everyone and Hiyoshi, even if his heart wasn't into it.

X

"Hey, stud," said Niou, winking at an old man. His name was George.

George looked taken aback. "Are you trying to distract me so that your superior can enter the mall without me knowing it?" said he.

Niou almost stopped breathing for a second. "No, I was coming on to you... you beastly hottie, you." said Niou.

George smirked. "Well, then..." he snaked his hand on Niou's neck and Niou pushed him away.

"You... don't like me?" George was hurt.

"No." said Niou.

George took out his gun and was about to shoot Niou, but then he thought to himself: if he shot Niou, then he would be just like that gunman with three thumbs that killed his father. He sighed, and said: "Go... before I shoot you."

Niou ran away, trying to look tough while he was at it.

-

"Uh... hi." said Marui, looking at a really cool man with a tattoo and a mohawk. He was wearing a leather jacket and listening to his iPod. His name was Jake, but his friends called him Jackie. He liked taking long walks in the rain and reading love letters sent to him by random gay men.

"Can we go on a date?" said Marui.

Jackie rolled his eyes and continued listening to his iPod. Older men were more mature. He should stick with older men. This guy was too young, anyway. Jackie was seventeen he had a whole life ahead of him. Way to go, Jackie!

X

"So... darling, what do you want to get?" asked Jackal. God, this was so degrading.

Hiyoshi scowled. "I hate you and I hate my life. Why can't we just go home already?"

Jackal forced out a smile. "We'll get a burger and a kiddie meal."

"Mom! I'm not a kid anymore!"

"So tell us what you'd like to order then!"

"I'll get an adult burger!"

"Get him an adult burger!"

X

Yukimura held up a light blue dress and a white frilly dress. "Which do you think is better, Genichirou?"

"I think..." said Sanada, "the blue one."

Yukimura smiled. "You'll be wearing it later!"

And then -_ "WHAT?"_

X

After they were done shopping, Yukimura asked Yagyuu if he filmed and everything and yes, he did.

X

Everyone in RikkaiDai was special in his own special way, and yet the only thing everyone can do is stare.

Now, Sanada did look queer, in the light blue dress, and yet he managed to pull it off without looking like a drag queen... much. The cut of the dress accentuated his skin color, and made it seem like he had curves. Of course, Sanada was modest, too, and so he wore a cardigan over the dress and he also wore boots with high heels. And then he wore a blond wig.

It was safe to say he looked like a porn star.

An underpaid one, at that.

Then there was also Niou, who looked so cool. He held a cute, little puppy in his hand. Its fur was soft and white and brown. Its ears were floppy and fluffy and it was too cute for repair. Its name was Mercy, but Niou didn't know that, so he called the puppy Death.

And everyone just stared.

Before they knew it, everyone was claiming the puppy was his and Yukimura was just angry. "Everyone," said Yukimura, "we will bring this puppy to France and it will be happy there. Got it?"

And Hiyoshi scowled and Niou almost hit Hiyoshi (not that he didn't want to).

X

Death looked at the strange young men who brought her to a foreign land sadly. She walked away and quickened her pace when a mushroom boy tried to grab her legs.

Niou stopped Hiyoshi in time.

The regulars and Hiyoshi walked away, trying to forget the sad memory. One day, they and Death will meet again. And when they do, nothing was going to stop them from having fun together. They can go run and hike and train together! And Death will always bark and wag its tail.

X

"I bet you can't eat a whole raw onion!" said Marui to Hiyoshi while eating in a French restaurant.

Hiyoshi snorted. "Watch me," and so he got an onion from God knows where and placed it in his mouth. He chewed slowly and then he froze. His eyes were watering.

Niou looked at Hiyoshi. "Are you... crying?"

Hiyoshi scowled and wiped his eyes. "It's the last time I'll see you all again! It's not because of the onion, really!"

Yukimura looked at Hiyoshi and smiled. "It's all right, Wakashi. We'll still see each other again during matches," and so he hugged the boy. And then everyone else joined in the gay fest. When Hiyoshi finally freed himself, he told them all, determined: "I'll be back... with weapons!"

X

The past few days, Hiyoshi learned the meaning of friendship and that not all tennis players actually play tennis during practice. And that real men were cool and awesome.... Real men like him.

**TO BE CONTINUED**

luuuuul, I abuse my right in creating OCs. Can you tell? -bricked-

And hey, about the part with the regulars fighting over the puppy, it's all Mercy. Do read and review her fic, The Contest of the Puppy. It's kickass, and you'll love it, man. And to those who have been waiting for an update, I am really sorry. Writer's block is nasty.

I also totally apologize that this chapter is shitty beyond repair. T___T (I really hope that isn't an understatement.)


	10. Fabulous Love Affair

**The Great Kouhai Exchange**

Day 3: Fabulous Love Affair

Tezuka really couldn't think of anything to say, let alone do anything, so he just stared.

Clearly, everyone made a mistake by calling Fuji a genius because he did a lot of stupid things. First, Fuji exchanged the Prince of Tennis for the Prince of Rambling. And then Fuji forced him to cut Shinji's hair with a sword... and although it turned out rather well, it was still dangerous.

Still, if there was one thing he learned from studying with Fuji Syuusuke for more than half a decade, it was that you must never go against Fuji. Ever.

Which is the reason why Tezuka was just nodding along, while his poor, poor teammates gave him pleading looks.

X

"But Fuji-senpai, do we really have to do this?" said Momoshiro, who just wanted to eat burgers.

Fuji just smiled and handed the regulars, plus the Ichinen Trio minus Horio and Shinji pieces of paper that looked like they were torn from his notebook.

**FABULUZ LOVE AFFAIR**

Ryuuzaki likes Echizen who doesn't know.

Ibu comes along and makes Echizen jelus.

Ibu is confused when Ryuuzaki and he are locked up in a room.

Ryo-chan realizes hes in love and duels with Ibu who realy doesn't love Ryuuzaki!

And then they kill each other like real mehn by wrestling!

And then we kill the horrible monsterr called Mizuslut...!!

LETZ DO IT GAIZ!

Tezuka hated wrong grammar and malicious thinking and acts. Momoshiro didn't care. Kaidoh didn't care either. Inui thought Fuji wrote better than that. Oishi didn't want to be part of this; Eiji did. Kawamura didn't feel good about this. The freshmen trio minus Horio were up to anything their senpais wanted.

X

When a boy and girl were stuck in a room all alone, they were supposed to bicker, stare at the other's eyes, make out for a long time and leave with big and goofy grins on their faces. And then they become a couple.

But this was Shinji and Sakuno we were talking about. Sakuno, who loved Ryoma with all her heart and was nothing but devoted, and Shinji, who just rambled, tried to look pretty at everything, and didn't really care about anything else except for tennis, food and Tachibana.

They were two different souls but tonight, they were going to fall in love.

Or something much like that, anyway.

X

Sakuno sighed as she sat on the floor. She already tried hitting the door with a broom and she had been trying for thirty minutes. Now there was Shinji, a senpai. Senpais should help their kouhais instead of rambling their butts off and telling their kouhais to look at them.

Shinji was the worst senpai ever.

Sakuno can only stare and smile sweetly. Or, at least, she tried.

"Don't you know it's rude to stare? It makes me feel so uncomfortable. And don't twitch. Children these days..." Shinji rolled his eyes.

Clearly, this idiot didn't know what he wanted.

-

"What is he doing?" yelled Momoshiro, annoyed. "Now Ryuuzaki-chan will never fall for him! This sucks! I hate this!"

He made weird arm gestures, and almost pushed Fuji's laptop off the table.

The regulars stared at Momoshiro, annoyed, while the freshmen trio minus Horio just looked at Momoshiro worriedly. Maybe Momoshiro had gone mad without someone to crush his dreams. The theory that Ryoma made everyone insane might have to be thought of again.

"Shut up already!" yelled Kaidoh, earning annoyed looks from everyone.

Fuji placed a finger over his lips to silence the two. "Let's see what Ryuuzaki-chan and Ibu-kun are up to now..."

-

Sakuno sighed.

This all sucked.

She was stuck with a loser and not with Ryoma.

Now if there was Ryoma maybe... maybe... they'd hold hands, and he'd realize how he felt for her and maybe... just maybe... they'd kiss! Oh, her first kiss! With Ryoma-kun! They'll have a nice, big happy family. Girls with Ryoma's tennis skills and her looks! And all of them will try out for the boys' team and become regulars because they were just too good!

"You're thinking of something evil and malicious, I know it. Look at the way you're holding that knife. You're probably planning to commit seppuku or something. Life is a precious gift given to us, and we must live life the best we can. If we don't, then we'll be losers. Life isn't for losers. Life is for winners. Value life..."

The sad thing about Shinji, Sakuno realized, was that he liked to voice out his thoughts. And that Shinji liked taking the long route to his thoughts and repeating things.

Annoying bastard.

-

Tezuka sighed quietly. This was going nowhere and this was a waste of his time. He made a move to walk away,

Until he saw Ryuuzaki point the knife at Shinji.

He never thought girls could be cool before.

-

Sakuno sighed and put the knife down. If she killed Shinji, it would be obvious. Maybe she could just give him a blow on the head with a steel club or something.

There were no tennis rackets, and she didn't know how to throw a ball.

But there was a broom. She smiled [evilly] and reached for it. It looked like she was planning to kill Shinji.

"Why are you cleaning the room? We need to get out and all you can think of is cleaning? Women, what's up with them? They're so irritating, always giggling and why can't the world just be filled with men? Why can't I just do what I'm supposed to with boys instead? Much easier, really..."

Fucking sexist asshole.

No, make that stupid fucking sexist asshole.

-

Kikumaru gasped. Oishi looked away. Fuji smiled. Momoshiro and Kaidoh were stunned and hugged each other. Kawamura covered his eyes. Inui's eyes were gleaming maniacally. The Ichinen Trio minus Horio were almost crying at how Sakuno-chan can be so mean to a nice senpai who looked like Ryoma-kun! Tezuka was staring in awe, wondering why girls didn't act like this all the time.

When Konomi told you Tezuka liked serious and hard-working girls, well... he's right. It took real determination and guts to try and kill Ibu Shinji.

-

Shinji's eyes widened when he realized what Sakuno was trying to do. He pretended he didn't know. After all, he wasn't annoying for nothing. As a kid, people have tried to hit him with brooms for being annoying. He learned how to defend himself.

And then it all stopped.

Now Sakuno didn't know that, and she was about to.

If he had to hit a girl, then hit a girl, he shall.

But why do that when such thing can be avoided? She would probably pass out after a slap.

Sakuno froze.

She hid behind a locker and looked at Shinji pleadingly. She was only twelve! No, she had a future! She hadn't even kissed Ryoma yet! This was all happening too quickly!

But Shinji didn't make a move to hit her. He turned the door knob and for the first time in an hour, the two of them saw sunlight again.

Why hadn't they thought of that before?

-

Fuji opened his eyes. "You," said Fuji to the Inchinen Trio minus Horio, "didn't look the door."

The two looked at each other, then at Fuji, and then at each other again. "We, uh... It was an accident, really!"

Fuji looked at Tezuka and said: "Bring out the whips."

The Ichinen Trio minus Horio gulped and for once, Horio was lucky.

**TO BE CONTINUED**

Hey, this is your update. I'm sorry I haven't updated in such a long time. I hope I'm not on your hit list.

Anyway, thanks for reading and special thanks to: Cora (for kindly pointing out Yukimura has a younger sister) and Frogger (for mannishly pointing out that I missed out on some parts and for resurrecting Lin). -tackles both to the ground-


	11. An Loved Him

FINALLY, the last chapter. I hope you enjoy and I'm really sorry for not updating in a long time.

**The Great Kouhai Exchange**

_Day 3: Plans, Broken Dreams and Whips_

Tachibana looked sadly at Ryoma who was sleeping under a tree. The brat was cute like this, and this was going to be the last day he and the regulars can ever be close to the brat again. This day was going to be memorable, and he thought of just the thing that will make Ryoma part of the family forever.

X

"No means no." said Ryoma flatly, sipping his Ponta.

Tachibana and the regulars minus Kamio felt sad. Tachibana said: "Why don't you want to marry An-chan? She's beautiful, she's nice, she's talented, she's athletic, she's skinny and-"

"She's your sister." said Ryoma once again.

Kamio was secretly glad that Ryoma didn't want to marry An since he had a bit of a crush on An and wanted to marry her, but Ryoma not wanting to marry An made him rethink things. Was An... unattractive? What did this Horio (or was it Fuji? They both looked alike, so it didn't matter.) have that made him so desirable to Echizen Ryoma?

An, who was glaring at Ryoma, poked his chest. "What, I'm not good enough for you?"

The regulars looked at Ryoma who shrugged.

"Mada mada dane."

-

'What now? Ryoma-kun doesn't want to marry An-chan!' said Mori, like it was the end of the world.

'Yeah, he doesn't want to. So he shouldn't.' said Kamio.

'But-' protested another regular.

'We can't force him. And maybe An-chan has someone she likes.' said Kamio again.

Ishida sighed. 'It's because of Momoshiro-san from Seigaku. We all know how An-chan feels for him and how he feels for her.'

'I agree!' said a random freshman.

'Let's kill Momoshiro-san!' said everyone else.

Kamio twitched. 'Have any of you ever thought that maybe the one An-chan loves is me?'

'It doesn't show.' said Ishida.

'She loves Ryoma-kun.' said Tachibana quickly.

Kamio rolled his eyes. Clearly, his teammates were idiots. An-chan loved him. She just... didn't know it yet.

'I have a plan!' said a random regular.

'We're not interested.' said Kamio.

'But-'

'Oh, tell us!'

'You see, this is what we'll do...'

X

"Marry An-chan or he takes the blame!" Ishida pointed at Karupin who looked at Ryoma innocently.

Ryoma thought Fudomine was heartless for using a nice, cute little kitty (_his _kitty, mind you!) to blackmail him into marrying their... vixen... or whatever you called her, anyway. "Che."

Ryoma looked at An. Well... she was kind of cute. Kind of. (He was still cuter, obviously.) An was tolerable.

X

The Fudomine regulars were quick, though Ryoma. Just a few seconds after agreeing, a regular was already sprinting towards him while holding a tuxedo with a big, goofy grin. Those bastards knew he was going to agree because of Karupin. Damn them. Damn them all.

But he didn't look half bad, reflected Ryoma as he looked at himself in the mirror.

X

"Do you, Echizen Ryoma, take Tachibana An as your lawful wedded wife?" said Tachibana's uncle, who conveniently happened to be a priest.

"Fine." said Ryoma gloomily. He was too young to get married... but he really loved Karupin and so he did what a normal twelve year old boy wouldn't have done.

Everyone ignored Ryoma's annoyed response and the priest continued on: "Do you, Tachibana An, take Echizen Ryoma as your lawful husband?"

"I... no, not really." said An honestly, and she felt her brother look at her sadly. "I mean, I do." said An quickly.

"Will you love, respect and honor him throughout your years together?" said Tachibana's uncle.

An and Ryoma looked at each other. "I make no promises." said Ryoma, holding Karupin tightly. An nodded along.

The crowd frowned, but the priest went on: "You may kiss the bride."

Ryoma and An looked at each other. An blew a kiss at Ryoma who dodged it. They were a rather unlikely couple, thought half the crowd who never really knew An and Ryoma well but were invited anyway because Tachibana was so eager to see his sister get married.

X

Ryoma and An ended up falling in love after the wedding (Ryoma also managed to ignore the fact that she was taller than he was) and lived happily ever after...

Until Fuji asked Ryoma why he had a ring on his finger, and Ryoma couldn't answer and Fuji said: "Bring out the whip."

** FIN**

I apologize for the wedding part. I've been to one, but that was ten years ago and I was, like, a flower girl then. So yeah.

THANKS TO ALL OF YOU WHO HAVE BEEN THIS FAR AND HAVE SUPPORTED ME ALL THE WAY! YOU GUYS ARE WORTH THE CAPS AND EXCLAMATION POINTS, YEAH. 'CAUSE YOU'RE ALL AWESOME AND I LOVE YOU. (: (And look, a smiley!)


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